Chaos reigned in the library this afternoon. Children brought books and demanded new ones while others talked loudly, dumped books, and were generally out of control. I felt like such a failure. Grumble, grumble, grumble. Why am I doing this? What good is this? Why can't I seem to make any headway with these students?
I drove home feeling quite the failure, wondering if I was making any progress in the library at the elementary school. As I drove into town, the school bus was letting off students and I had to wait. One of our friend's daughters walked by and smiled. She told me to say "Hi" to Tramp, and I invited her to visit soon. I felt a bit better.
As I parked and got out of the car, the high school history teacher who is on leave because he is battling cancer walked by. I had not seen him for two months. I said 'hi' and he smiled and stopped to talk. His attitude exudes Jesus. He feels good and talked about being buoyed by the prayers of others. Just a couple of minutes, but enough time to realize that my grumbling about rowdy students is nothing compared to facing debilitating chemo treatments and long hours alone because others can bring viruses which would impede his health. Wow, that helped me to see my life from a different perspective.
At dinner, as I shared with Smitty my frustrations and my encounter, he shared how his quiet time has emphasized that we can do nothing apart from Christ. The overwhelming feelings come from thinking I can do this myself. No matter how difficult things get, my eyes must look to God who does all things well.
I guess I'll start out again tomorrow and keep looking up!
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