Verlust

Loerrach is the closest city in our area, about 13 kilometers south.  Kandern has stores, but when I am looking for something different or specific, Loerrach is the place to go. However, every time I go alone I get lost.

Today I decided to go to the walking mall which has a large drug store, a department store, a huge grocery, and many smaller restaurants.   I get nervous going to Loerrach because of my past experiences which feed negatively into my need to be in control and always know where I am.  But, if I am to live in this place, I must learn to navigate.  So off I drove.  I found the parking garage with no major problems.  I pushed the button to retrieve the parking ticket, again no problem.

As I drove up the ramp and around the corner the ticket fell out of my hand.  The driver's window was still open, but I was fairly certain that the ticket had fallen at my feet so I waited until I parked to look for the missing slip of paper.  It was no where to be found.  Not in my jacket, the pockets of the car door, the floor, or the back seat.  I checked twice.  I even walked the route I had taken to park, all with no ticket found.  At that point I walked back to the ticket dispenser, hoping to push the button and retrieve a new ticket.  No luck!  Evidently the weight of the car triggers the machine's operation.  Still no ticket.

What was left for me to do, but to go run the errands for which I had come, and then pray that a miracle would happen when I returned.  Just in case, I checked the payment machine and found that my loss would cost 15 Euros.  Whew!  Pretty expensive mistake.  My stomach reeled and voices in my head screamed at me for being so stupid.

I found the store I wanted and purchased and purchased my items while feeling like a foolish little girl.  I did not have 15 Euros, so next I had to locate the ATM.  After a ten minute search I discovered one where I retrieved the money needed to "break out" of the garage.  My stomach was still churning and my mind kept returning to that awful moment when the ticket flew out of my hand.  Even under the stress of my self-recriminations, I managed to find my way to the garage.  I used the German dictionary we keep in the glove compartment to verify that "verlust" means "loss".  Yep, a huge loss in my mind!  But there was no way to tell the machine that I had lost my ticket so I could pay the fine.  Now what???

A young woman with her child was paying for her parking.  I walked up to her and asked if she could help me (I did this in German which was amazing in itself!).   In lovely English she said I would have to call a phone number listed on the machine, and someone would come to take my money and let me out.  Great!  Guess who doesn't have a phone??  She then indicated that someone would be in the booth after lunch break.  Since it was then 2:15 and lunch break would be over at 2:30, I decided to return to the mall for something warm to drink.

I found a cafe and ordered a cappuccino.  As I sat waiting for my coffee something BFA's director said this morning came back to me:  Romans 12:2  We are transformed by the renewing of our minds.  Ok, what was God telling me?  First, that He doesn't condemn me.  Whew.  Next, that He will never leave me or forsake me.  Good, my fear of being stuck in Loerrach will not come to fruition.  I prayed that He would give me wisdom, and I began to relax a little.  As I did, I crossed my left foot over onto my right knee and put my hand on my foot.  I touched a small, stiff piece of paper and began to cry.  I had walked hundreds of steps since I had lost my parking ticket, but God had stuck it safely in my shoe.  I cried as I drank cappuccino, relieved and thankful that my God not only knows my every need, but He also cares about my smallest needs.  He knows, too, that my greatest need is to trust Him more every day.  And for today, I do.