“Transition:
the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to
another”
This sounds so innocuous, so easy. Yet the truth of transition is that it stinks and it hurts
and it affects both the heart and the mind. I have been back in school for almost 2 months and have
mostly felt like a fish out of water, going through the motions, but not really
connecting or affecting a change in anyone or anything. I had thought that this, being my third
year teaching chemistry, my fourth year living in this little town in
southwestern Germany, this year would be easy. Hah! I have
struggled with negative thoughts and a rising distrust of those around me. Yep, feeling a bit psycho. Hmmm. What’s up? I’ve
decided that I’m just not making a good transition this year.
Our office is different in the science department. More people, more desks, more
crowded. My classes are filled
with students and do not end until 4 PM each day. Our friends from England have moved to California, a couple
who have been here at BFA for years are moving to England, and the couple we
have traveled with most the past three years are moving to Maryland. And I still cannot speak good
German. I continue to have
problems understanding German especially.
Someone recently said that if one is not fluent after three years, that
person gets very discouraged and will leave the country. Hmmm. I refuse to be that person. But my German is poor.
So misunderstandings continue.
Where does this leave me? It leaves me recognizing that I am not perfect and I will
not ever be perfect and I cannot change where I am, so I need to change how I
perceive where I am. And the first
step was writing this blog, getting it all out in the open and calling this
what it is: a pity party. Whew. I DO feel much better.
Now to get back to the process of living and being thankful,
right where I am!
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