When we visited Kenya a woman came to share her story with the team. She was HIV positive because of her earlier lifestyle, but said, quite definitely, she was God's favorite. Her statement shocked me and has haunted me for the past seven years. I think I'm beginning to understand what she meant.
Last night Smitty and I watched Shadowlands, the film based on the true story of CS Lewis' relationship and marriage to Joy Gresham. CS Lewis taught about pain and sorrow, but experienced the depth of pain born out of his love for Joy when she died of cancer. His experience spoke of being more fully alive to feel the emotions which flow from fully embracing what life offers.
Recently the property manager of our home in Garden Grove called to talk with us about prospective renters. As he described our home and what needed to be done to prepare it for new renters both Smitty and I began to cry. The realization that I miss the sanctuary of my home in California washed over me. Followed closely by the deep pain of separation from our children and grandchildren. I longed to climb aboard a plane and head back to the one place on this earth I feel at peace.
What stopped me? What kept me from throwing in the towel here in Germany and calling this work I'm doing quits? The stories of Betty in Kenya and CS Lewis in England hold the key. For them their lives were not their own. Their calling came from the invisible, sovereign One. I will stay right here in Germany until He tells me it is time to go back to the United States. And I believe that I, too, am God's favorite because He allows me to feel deeply the pain and joy of being sold out to Him.
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